Know

Take a moment and think about your family when you were a child. What were your relationships like with your primary caregivers, siblings, aunts, uncles, or grandparents? Think about the considerable impact your family had on you growing up. Conversely, think about the impact that you had on your family members. For example, when you were dealing with a stressful situation or major life change, how were the members of your family affected? These reflective thoughts help you consider the influence of family dynamics.

想想在你的项目中与你密切合作的孩子是如何被他们的家庭影响或塑造的，这可能是很自然的。然而，人们很容易忘记，家庭是一个复杂的系统，根据每个家庭成员的兴趣、发展和生活阶段而频繁变化。照顾者、兄弟姐妹、阿姨、叔叔或祖父母都会受到孩子行为和经历的影响。鲍恩的家庭系统理论（1978）承认家庭的复杂性，并认为家庭系统的任何部分的变化都会对家庭中的所有其他个体产生影响。

Let’s think about a family that consists of a mother, grandmother, and twins. The family plans for the grandmother to care for the twins at home until they are 3 years old, while the mother is at work. How will the family dynamics change when the twins enroll in a child care program? Perhaps the grandmother will be able to participate in hobbies and visit her friends, which could improve her well-being. Maybe the mother will be able to talk with the grandmother about various interests and ideas, instead of most conversations concerning caring for the twins. A change in one element of this family can have a significant impact on all other family members and change the family dynamic. Next, imagine that one of the twins begins exhibiting sexual behavior challenges in their new child care setting. How would this situation affect the mother or grandmother? Perhaps the mother or grandmother would need to go to more appointments or connect with community resources or agencies for support. The family would have to shift and adapt to meet the needs of the child.

The Importance of Rapport and Family Engagement

As a child care professional, a majority of your work is spent with the children in your program. It can be difficult to find time to connect with caregivers or families; however, developing rapport with families is essential and it benefits the children in your care. Being friendly, asking questions, offering opportunities for engagement, and expressing interest are all ways to build strong relationships with families. Developing a strong relationship with families can be beneficial because if a sexual behavior challenge arises, you have already established a basic level of trust with the child’s family, thereby creating a more supportive environment. For more information on family engagement, please visit the Virtual Lab School Family Engagement course.

与家庭沟通

In Lesson Five, you had the opportunity to read how a staff member, Crystal, responded to a sexual behavior challenge in a school-age program. You learned how torespond in the momentand engage in the necessary follow-up proceduresafter the fact. Now that you have learned how to manage the immediate needs of children in the moment, you can turn your attention to supporting the family through this experience. Prior to communicating with a family about their child’s sexual behavior, you can prepare yourself for the conversation by doing the following:

Assess your own reactions and biases:In Lesson One, you learned the importance of reflecting on your own attitudes and assumptions that you hold toward this highly sensitive topic. Acknowledging your biases or discomfort around this topic prepares you to communicate with families about their children’s sexual behavior.

从同理心开始：Empathy is commonly described as being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and consider what they may be going through. Developing empathy for children and families coping with sexual behavior challenges is important because it can improve understanding, communication, and relationships. For parents or caregivers, caring for a child who exhibits sexual behavior challenges can be immensely stressful. It can be difficult to know how to respond or help their child. Furthermore, caregivers may feel like they are being judged by others for their child’s behaviors or that others will think of them as “bad” parents or caregivers, which adds an extra layer of complexity. Families with children who exhibit sexual behavior challenges may experience any of the following (NCTSN, 2009):

• Difficulty believing that the sexual behavior actually occurred
• 愤怒（对他们的孩子，其他孩子们参与，自身或世界）
• 离开他们的孩子
• Sadness or depression
• Guilt and shame
• 隔离
• Disappointment (in child or self)
• Confusion and uncertainty, especially if it’s unclear as to why the child is acting out
• Nightmares or other traumatic stress reactions, particularly if the parent was sexually abused a child

Identify strengths:Prior to your difficult conversation with a family about their child’s sexual behavior challenges, take a moment to consider the strengths of the child or the family. What makes them unique? What makes them strong or resilient? A strengths-based approach empowers the family and encourages program staff to identify and leverage the incredible strengths of families.

Sharing Information with Families: Effective Communication

What you say, and the way you say it to families matters. When sexual behavior challenges occur, it’s likely that families will have questions about (1) what is considered normative or expected sexual behavior in children as opposed to sexual behavior challenges and (2) the sexual behavior challenge situation you observed.

Families do not expect or anticipate the need to support children with sexual behavior challenges and may not be familiar with the range of normative and challenging sexual behaviors or how to handle such a situation. It’s important to keep in mind that, based on their own experiences or cultures, not all families will have the same perceptions or expectations regarding their child’s behavior. When speaking about the topic with families, try to create an environment where questions and discussion about sexual development are welcomed and encouraged.

每个孩子都不同，每种情况都很复杂，很难回答关于性发展和行为的问题。例如，您可能会有家庭向您询问他们在家中观察到的性行为是“正常”。如果一个家庭成员询问您有关不确定的性发展问题，请承认您不确定是可以的。虽然承认你不知道会感到不舒服，但重要的是不要做出假设或猜测。相反，让家人知道您会在与您的计划领导者的成员进行咨询后了解更多信息。你可以说“我不确定，但我可以了解更多并询问我的程序管理员。我们其中一人会尽快跟进。“此响应显示透明度，可以帮助加强与家庭的关系。在与家庭讨论此主题时，可以随时可用的资源可以很容易地提供咨询或使用。你可能会发现它有助于提到Normative Childhood Sexual Development & Behavior讲义在Apply section of Lesson Two.

In addition to discussing the range of normative and challenging sexual behaviors, families may also have questions for you about the instances of challenging sexual behavior you observed. When discussing sexual behaviors with families, here are some important considerations:

坚持事实	描述你亲眼目睹的行为，确保只分享第一手知识。坚持你所知道的，关注客观信息，而不是个人观点、观点或猜测。与家人分享行为发生后为支持孩子而采取的措施。 “昨天下午随着孩子们从午餐中回到房间里，我观察到雅各布与毛绒动物进行性交。一旦我看到这个，我通过要求他帮助我为我们的下一项活动来重定向他的行为。“
“We’re on a team”	Emphasize that you, program staff, and the family are all on the same team, with the child’s safety and well-being of utmost importance to all involved. “Thank you for coming in to speak with us, we appreciate your perspective, so we can all work together to support Jacob.”
Communicate strengths	Remember to incorporate strengths of the child whenever possible instead of focusing only on the concerning behaviors. “Jacob is a leader in our classroom, many of the kids look up to him.”
Encourage family support	Create a safety plan together as a team. Identify boundaries and behaviors that all adults agree upon. “Let’s come up with a plan together to best support Jacob in our program; how does that sound?”

Ineffective Communication: What to Avoid

While there are plenty of effective communication strategies that you can use with families, it’s important to be aware of ineffective communication, or statements that may make a family feel uncomfortable or defensive. Below are some examples to avoid.

Avoid labels or diagnoses:与家庭与孩子的性行为挑战交谈时，避免做出假设或概括。行为是复杂的，孩子的行为是一种可以解释的沟通形式。因为行为可以解释，我们可能会推测孩子试图通过行为沟通的内容;但是，重要的是不要通过诊断或标记孩子来结论。只有专家才能诊断或建议诊断，才能诊断或建议诊断，应介绍与家庭的具体诊断。例如，童心专业人员可以说，“我用不安全的触摸反复观察雅各布，”但不要发表诸如“我认为你的孩子有性行为障碍”之类的言论。如果你不确定该说什么，请参考你的专业指南，并咨询教练、培训师或管理人员。

Avoid judgment or criticism:请记住，孩子的性行为挑战可能对家庭震荡巨大震撼。回到家庭可能会对这些行为遭受或反应的许多方式，并在与他们一起使用时使用同理心。如果家庭感到判断或批评，他们可能会关闭并与计划人员合作地撤销并退出工作。例如，“如果你更涉及你的女儿，她不会展示这些行为”如果你的行为更愿意，那么家庭可以冒犯，可能会让他们感到攻击和防守。

不要将一个孩子与另一个孩子比较：避免将一个孩子的行为或动作与程序中的另一个孩子进行比较。例如，像“我房间里的其他孩子都没有遇到过这样的问题”这样的陈述会伤害到和你一起工作的家庭的感情，也会损害你与他们发展的关系。

支持ing Families through Their Child’s Sexual Behavior Challenges

Depending on the sexual behavior concern, you may work with a family whose child exhibits the behavior, or a family whose child has experienced the behavior. Think back to the case study in Lesson Five about Cameron and Makayla. The families of both Cameron, the child that exhibited the sexual behavior challenge, and Makayla, the child that experienced the sexual behavior need support.

正如您已经学到的，那种能够立即支持这些家庭的方式是与他们有关性行为事件的有效沟通技巧。除了您与他们分享信息的方式外，将它们与心理健康或其他社区资源连接有所帮助。

It’s important to note that, for some, there may be stigma around mental health services. Keeping this in mind, the way you introduce mental health services matters. Instead of saying “You need counseling” and handing them a phone number, opening up a conversation about counseling and its benefits could be more productive. You could ask the family if they would be open to consider counseling and describe that it can be a source of support in dealing with challenging sexual behaviors in children. If the family expresses interest during this conversation, offer to help them set up the appointment or anything else they may need. This shows your support. Taking the first steps to enroll in mental health services can be extremely difficult. You can support families by highlighting the benefits of counseling services, providing detailed information regarding local resources, and offering to be of assistance with setting up the first appointment. The decision to enroll in counseling services is up to the family, so it’s important that you respect their decision either way. Don’t pressure them to make a decision in that moment. To help support a family in crisis, simply express that you are there to help connect them if that’s what they choose at any time.

See

Initiating conversations with families about sexual development and behavior can feel uncomfortable for everyone involved, especially if you have limited knowledge and experience discussing this topic. Watch as two experts share recommendations for respectful ways to communicate with families.

支持ive Communication with Families

Do

正如您所知，与家人讨论性行为挑战可能是所有参与的所有成年人的艰难谈话。到目前为止，您探讨了您可以使用有效的沟通技巧来支持危机中的家庭的方法，现在让您对计划的注意。研究可以帮助支持处理孩子性行为挑战的家庭的计划政策，程序和可用的社区资源很重要。

Take a few moments and consider the following questions regarding your program:

• Are you aware of local mental health community resources?
• Are you aware of when referrals to services may be appropriate?
• 社区心理健康资源是否随时可用？这个信息在哪里？它是一个家庭可以看到的地方吗？这些信息如何呈现？是您计划中家庭的本土语言提供的信息吗？

While considering how information is displayed and readily available for staff and families is important, building strong partnerships with local agencies can also be beneficial. By connecting with local mental health resources, coaches, trainers, and administrators can create a seamless transition to needed services. For example, getting to know the point person for scheduling intake appointments for families, allowing families to have their first meeting with a counselor at your site, or inviting staff from community agencies in to lead discussion groups or speak with parents can work to reduce stigma around mental health and make it more approachable for families.

为了更好地支持处理性行为挑战的家庭，考虑您的计划如何与社区资源产生更强大的联系或您的网站如何努力减少心理健康服务周围的耻辱。